Supporting teen siblings

Adolescence is a time of intense change, growth, and self-discovery. For teens, this period often involves:

• Searching for a positive identity

• Gaining emotional independence from parents

• Establishing romantic relationships outside the family

• Exploring future career options

• Considering their ability/desire to have children

• Developing rational thinking and problem-solving skills

But what happens when a teen is also a sibling to a brother or sister with a disability or high care needs?

The Unique Journey of Teen Siblings

Independence during adolescence can be especially challenging when family stress is high. Teen siblings might quietly carry the weight of big, complex questions:

• Who am I, and what do I want for my future?

• Can I pursue my dreams if it means moving away?

• What will happen to my sibling if my parents can’t care for them anymore?

• Should I have my own children if I may need to care for my sibling long-term?

• Will I find a partner who understands and accepts this part of my life?

These are heavy questions for a young person, and they can deeply affect how a teen sees themselves and their future.

What Helps Build Resilience?

Research tells us that key factors promoting resilience in teens include:

• Family connectedness

• Peer connectedness

• A sense of belonging at school

• Strong problem-solving and help-seeking skills

But again, these supports can be harder to access for siblings of children with disabilities. Their families might be stretched thin. Simple things like going out together or having friends over may be rare. Teen siblings might feel different from their peers - worried about things others don’t have to consider.

“Sometimes it’s hard to talk about how I feel, because I don’t want to burden my parents. I know they already have so much going on.”

This emotional holding-in can lead to feelings of isolation, and without support, teens may withdraw or turn to unhelpful coping strategies like social media overuse, inappropriate content, or substance use.

The Flip Side: Growth and Strength

Not all outcomes are negative. Many teen siblings grow into deeply compassionate, mature individuals. Some feel inspired to work in helping professions or become strong advocates for social justice. Their experiences can shape them in powerful, positive ways.

How Parents Can Support Teen Siblings

Supporting your teen through these years doesn't require perfection, just presence, empathy, and a willingness to listen. Here are some helpful ways to support a teen sibling:

• Nurture their identity
  Help them explore their interests and strengths. Let them know it’s okay to choose a life path that’s different from the family’s expectations or needs.

• Support emotional expression
  Give your teen permission to talk about the full range of emotions, even the tough ones. See my earlier blog post on Permission for more on this.

• Foster family connection
  Shared meals, games, or chores can help maintain a sense of closeness. Don’t forget extended family and family friends, who can also provide meaningful connection.

• Encourage peer relationships
  Whether through school, sports, or clubs, help your teen build and maintain friendships. Social support is crucial.

• Normalise asking for help
  Make it clear that it’s okay to reach out to you, other trusted adults, teachers, or counsellors. A heads-up to these adults about your teen’s situation can make a big difference.

• Teach healthy coping strategies
  Help them discover what works for them. It might include music, exercise, art, mindfulness, or even just punching a pillow when frustration boils over.

• Connect them with other siblings
  If possible, link them with other teen siblings in similar situations. Peer understanding can be deeply helpful.

The teen years are a constant dance between independence and needing comfort. For siblings in complex family situations, this dance can be even more challenging, but also filled with the potential for growth. When teen siblings feel truly seen and heard, they are more likely to step into adulthood with confidence, resilience, and a strong sense of self.